Alf, Bill and Paddy met every Saturday afternoon in the front bar of their local boozer. Alf ran his 5'2" body and his size 6 shoes into the ground, to and fro between the SP bookie, the phone and punters in the back bar in search of a winner. The inimitable threesome, born of Irish parents had much in common, much miscellany kept them close.
Paddy had spent more time on holiday at the governments expense than he'd spent on the outside where his tastes developed. Bill the younger had followed in the footsteps of his namesake uncle, while Alf a priestly favourite, eventually escaped from a life of religion and unspoken pleasures.
Now Saturday afternoons through the evening invariably satisfied them. Frosty schooners of heady amber liquid washed down with rum chasers, punting on horses that inevitably only ever ran a place and tall tales that more often than not ended in an argument was the norm. By the last race they were usually not talking to each other, or anyone else, except themselves. One of them always ended up crying about their dear ole Da!
This Saturday they spluttered as they spied Selena at the bar door. The well-heeled Selena glided through the bar, relishing the turning heads and the hush that accompanied her approach. Like three naughty boys they hunched low over the table endeavouring to avoid the ensuing confrontation. Alas it was not to be. Her gaze latched onto the sleazy trifecta.
"Well, well, well, the lecherous losers" she exclaimed. Unanimously they stammered an unconvincing greeting. "Hey Sel what's doing" asked Paddy "long time no see." "Hullo love" stammered Alf, while Bill nodded a grunt as he rose to offer her his seat.
"I shan’t take but a moment of your time you three pathetic arseholes, I have Arthur waiting outside with the motor running." "Hah" scoffed Paddy "if you're lucky Sel, Arthur’s nicked more cars from dumb broads than you've had dinners.” They sniggered, Arthur had been a crony prior to latching onto Selina.
She placed a velvet wrapped bundle onto the table “I'm here to present you with something that will cut out the time wasting that a certain procedure would entail." "Our dear father has departed this earth, the will has been read and to save you sleaze bags the bickering here's your inheritance". Their jaw’s dropped.
With a swift flick, Selena swished the velvet cloth into the air revealing a yellow metal pirate’s hook. The threesome’s faces paled, they made no comment. “I'll bid you all adieu and leave you to contemplate your miserly father." The three nodded farewell.
When she was well out of earshot, they began to hoot and holler. Hugging and slapping each other's back's Bill yelled to Alf "Hey Mate whizz over to that travel agent and grab us some brochures on Thailand." Alf was out the door like a shot, people later commented they’d never seem him move faster!
Bill and Paddy beamed "Our dear old Da, good ole Da, all those years and our little sister never knew his hook, plus the entire wrist fitting was solid gold.” They chortled to each other calling “… three more beers and double rums all round thanks Luv."